More of my nonsense in my insignificant little corner of the world.

Ugh. This time tomorrow, I should be in my boyfriend's arms. But am I going to be? Nope. I will be in freaking Texas, all alone.

Well, not really all alone, but without him, I might as well be. Before I met him, I felt like I was a whole person and that I could stand on my own. It was always important to me that I didn't feel like I "needed" a man to complete me. But now, it's all different. I can still stand on my own, but I'm very shaky. It's like we became part of each other. I'm going up there on the 8th, thank goodness. My visits to him are what keep me sane and what get me through the day.

Stuff with my dad still sucks. I don't see that getting better, ever.

I'm going to my mom's house this weekend to have "negotiation talks" with her and my stepdad about me moving back for a little while. (Probably only until I can finally go live with the boyfriend.) My mom's all for it. We've been the only consistent thing in each other's lives for the last 20 years, so we're best friends. My stepdad is kinda for it, I think. Yeah, he is the one that kicked me out last time I was there, but I really feel like I'm not myself anymore and I just can't stay here anymore. I've started smoking WAY more, and with my pathetic job, I can't afford to smoke more.

I want to scrapbook some more, but I mostly want to do pages of me and the boyfriend. (Wow, I'm random today.) But when I'm with him, I forget to take pictures, so all the ones I have of us are already used. I've always been like that, though. The only reason I have pictures from prom is because other people took them. Lol. I'm too much of an in-the-moment person to stop having fun and take pictures.

My eating habits are getting screwed up. Somehow, my brain decided that not eating around my dad's whore and her whale of a daughter is revenge. Psh, even I can't explain that one. I'm scared I'm going to lose too much weight. I don't really have enough to lose. And if I drop below 100, I'm gonna to start eating like 2 McDonald's cheeseburgers a day till I get back to a normal weight.

I'm getting better about going to sleep earlier and not sleeping as much, which is definitely good. If I had it my way, I'd sleep the entire time I was home. That's how I ignore everyone.

Ever since I talked to my mom about moving back, I have a hard time looking at my cat. I've actually started tearing up several times. I can't take him with me because my stepdad doesn't like cats, and the pit bull would probably eat him. Then I'd have to beat her, and that would make people mad. My plan, though, is to come get him before I move with the boyfriend. He knows we're a package deal and he's fine with that. He likes cats. :) I don't really know how my dad's gonna react to me taking him, but it's not like anyone here gives a damn about him but me. I don't want to leave my baby here. That's gonna break my heart. :( But I'll keep reminding myself that I'm gonna come back for him as soon as I can.

Anyhoo, I'm gonna eat and go to bed. I've been up late enough as it is and I have a lot ahead of me tomorrow. I gotta admit, I really like this blogging thing. It's more convenient than a diary and it feels really damn good to get everything out.

Ranting, and lots of it.

So I know the title of this entire blog thingy is "Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic," but I've decided today it's gonna be called "Confessions of a Very Pissed off Girl." My blog is my little insignificant corner of the world and it's all mine. I don't give a shit who sees it or who gets offended because if someone feels like anything I say is directed towards them, they probably fucked up bad enough to deserve whatever I day. So here goes:

I resent the fuck out of my dad. He has five children that we know of, not just one son, which is all he pays attention to. Of his five known children, he has one daughter. ONE. Normal dads would be extra-protective of their only daughter. Not mine. When I was younger, he was too fucking drunk to function. Now, he just doesn't give a fuck. The "man" who used to beat my mother and his ex-wife is now the pussy who won't spend time with his only daughter because he's too worried about upsetting his precious youngest son or his cunt "girlfriend." Seriously, Dad? Man the fuck up.

I started school when I was three. THREE YEARS OLD. I did amazingly well and pretty much always had A's. I never got in trouble and my teachers adored the hell out of me. When I was in high school, I got inducted into the National Honor Society. It's kind of a big deal. I had to go to some dumb ceremony and everything. I was the first (and only) of my siblings to be in it. And where was my daddy? At boy scouts with his youngest. A fucking boy scout meeting that he went to EVERY WEEK. Thanks for letting me know you're proud of me, Dad.

When I was little, he cheated on my mom. So one day, my mom and I went to the park he was at with his current whore and her kids. At some point, this bitch told my dad "Choose between her (me, not my mom) or them (her kids.) Guess who left the park that day without her daddy.

When most girls turn 16, there's some kind of party and it's a little bigger of a deal. I'm not an exception to this. I had a big Sweet 16, with a pretty dress, rented a hall, got my hair and makeup done, all that. Again, where was my daddy? Didn't show up. To this day, he swears it's because my mom told him not to go. HELLO, IT'S MY PARTY, YOU IDIOT.

I graduated high school when I was seventeen. I hadn't been pregnant, arrested, or had an STD. I graduated with fucking honors. Where was my fucking daddy for that? Oh, that's right, not fucking there. He's come up with two excuses for that one. First, he was mad because I told him I was only giving him ONE ticket, so only he could come. He told me his fucking whore would be upset and her feelings would be hurt. Then, he blamed it on my mom. Again. Am I sensing a pattern here?

And most recently, I found out KISS was going to be playing near where I live. I wanted to buy him a ticket (just one for him) and one for myself so we could finally do something and have some kind of father-daughter bond, since I love KISS, but have never seen them live. Again, he had two excuses. First, he didn't want to be around a bunch of rednecks. Ok, that right there just proves how dumb he is. Second, he said he wanted to take his precious youngest son. Thanks so much for the slap in the face.

I've come to the conclusion that I have daddy issues, but not like some girls. I don't jump into a guy's bed because he takes care of me or treats me better than my dad ever has. I realized I had these issues when a guy I was seeing asked me to call him "Daddy" in bed. Ha. He got a "fuck you" and I left.

I've grown accustomed to the fact that my dad doesn't give a shit about me and I'm ok with that. Once I leave, I'm fucking GONE, for good. I can honestly say I'm sure he'll never meet my future husband and will sure as hell never see my future kids. I don't want them to feel what I felt.

Anyhoo, that's the end of my rant. If you read it, awesome. If not, meh.

Random nonsense and lots of aimless rambling.

I got back from my visit with the boyfriend last night. I had an almost 3 hour flight up there [not bad] and a 4 hour flight back [not good. Lol.] It was pretty much amazing and reminded me why I love him. But I've been thinking about a lot of stuff since I've been home. Like the fact that I've spent a grand total of 9 days with this kid and when I saw him at the airport, it was comfortable. You would imagine that I would be nervous and all that, but I wasn't. I mean, I wanted to look pretty and blahblahblah, but I wasn't worried that he had changed his mind about being with me.

I think it's kind of funny that I'm more comfortable around a guy I've known for 6 months and spent a week with than people I've known for years and spent months with. Everything about him just feels right. I've never been the type to say stuff like this, but he's the one, there's no doubt in my mind. He's nerdy and adorable and kisses me on my forehead. I have no idea why he chose me [although I'm pretty sure he was dropped on his head or something. That has to be it.] but I'm thankful that he did. I swear, he's the most beautiful person I've met, inside and out. I'm eager for him to meet my family. I used to be nervous, but I don't see how they could look at us and not see the love we have. I glow when I'm with him because he makes me so happy. I'll be the first to tell you I'm not a 10, but even when I'm a hot mess, if I'm in his arms, I'm prettier than any supermodel you've ever seen. I honestly believe we were made for each other. And that belief is reinforced by the fact that he was born 9 months after I was. So if my calculations are correct, he was conceived around the time I was born. Yep, he was made for me. :]

I have to somehow figure out how to start a conversation with his mom. I like her, and she likes me, I'm just terrified that I'm gonna say something stupid. I'm good at that. Lol. I mean, I'm sure it'll be fine, but I'm just reallyyy nervous.

Also, I'd like to mention now how much I love my cat. His name is Ike [after the hurricane] and he's very unique. :] He's very tuned into my moods and when I'm upset, he lets me bug him until I feel better. He's pretty awesome. At this point in my life, I don't want kids, but he's my baby.

Anyhoo, that's the end of my rambling. Thanks for listening. :]

I'm the coolest person you'll ever meet. I'm also a liar.

So let's get things started, shall we?

I'm Heather and I think I'm pretty awesome. Hopefully, you will, too. :] Since I'm on Cloud 9, I'll tell you about my plans for this weekend! But first, let me tell you why I'm flying across the freaking country.

I'm in a long-distance relationship with the most amazing guy in the world. His name is Skyler and we've been together for 6 months and 3 days. That's a pretty long time for me because most of my "relationships" only last for like, four months, tops. This, of course, is aside from the relationship with my freaking orthodontist and braces, which is going on FIVE years. Hopefully that one will be over soon. Lol. Anyhoodles, back to the stuff I actually care about! We have a pretty interesting story. Well, I think so, anyway.
One day, a friend of mine from high school, who is now in the Navy, posted some really lame lyrics as his status on Facebook. The status practically begged to be made fun of, so I obliged. A little while later, this guy named Skyler, who was on the same ship as my friend, commented, too, making fun of him. I replied "I love this Skyler kid." And so began my career as a psychic. Lol. Just kidding, I'm not a psychic. But I ended up falling in love with the kid. :]

He was stationed in Illinois at the time, which sucks, because I'm a Texas girl. We talked for quite some time and became crazy about each other. We were inseparable. Except for, you know, the 1,100 miles that separated us. But tomato, potahto. Anyhoo, we talked about when he was coming home on leave and decided I'd go to his hometown [also in Texas, thank goodness] so we could meet and spend time together. In my head, I figured it could go one of two ways: either we wouldn't have the chemistry that we did on the phone and all that, or he'd be everything I expected and it'd be fine. The first time I held him in my arms was the day before our 4 month anniversary. I planned to stay for 4 days, but ended up staying a week. Remember how I said it could go one of two ways? Apparently, there was a third option that I didn't know about. Everything was so much better than I had expected and he was perfect. So 4 days turned into a week because I just couldn't bear the thought of not spending more time with him. When I finally had to go back home, I cried my eyes out. I couldn't let go of this kid and bawled on his chest while people stared. It didn't matter that I was screwing up my makeup or making a scene. Nothing mattered but the fact that I had to leave. We texted the entire 12 hour bus ride back to my hometown.

So this weekend, I'm getting on a plane and going to see him again. I hate flying because of the whole ears-popping thing, plus I don't like being stuck on a plane by myself. I tend to do things on my own, so I just wander around until I figure out what I'm doing. Not a very good thing. Lol.

At this point, you may think "Wait, you just whined about how hard it was to leave him the first time. Are you really dumb enough to do it again, especially since you're only going to get to spend two days with him?" And the answer is yes, I am dumb enough to go through that again, and I'll go through it as many times as I have to. I'm so in love it's ridiculous. I have pictures of us on the walls of my bedroom. [Never happened before.] I have two pages in my scrapbook of us, and I plan on making at least one page just about him. [Also never happened before.] He and my mother text. [BIG deal, because she and I are very close and I don't introduce her to someone unless I'm serious about them.] He answered all of her questions and actually told me he wouldn't be with me until he got her approval. He puts up with me being crazy and moody and a brat in general. But he doesn't see it as "putting up with me." He lets me know what he's doing so I don't worry. [I worry A LOT.] He tells me I'm beautiful and, while I'm not yet comfortable using that word myself, I believe he thinks so, which is a huge deal because of all my insecurities. He introduced me to his family and explained to them that I'm a big part of his life. I've never been the marriage type, but I can see it happening, so much so that I have a date picked out, and he likes it, too.
So if any of ya'll are gonna be in the Austin, TX area on August 18, 2012, feel free to stop by. I'll be the one in white. <3>